The arousing aroma of the sweet-smelling butter mochi, filled the air. A lightbulb popped over my head to remind myself that it was christmas. As my head raced to the kitchen, there was a quick glance of my mother, who I knew for sure was the one causing this sweet delight. There were curious questions dancing through my head just wondering, what makes this "special dish" so "special." The question always occurred to me, but I thought it was no big deal. But my curiosity took over my body and I said, "Mom, what is so special about butter mochi?" She politely answered with, "well, we have been making this dish for a pretty long time, and it takes a long time to make, about 1 or more hours. Not to mention how much it costs." I silently replied with "ok," because I was going to tell her to make it more, but that wasn't going to happen. One question still bugged me, though. So i asked my mom, "what happened the 1st time you tried to cook it?" She replied with, "I was super worried that it was going to be junk, but the family liked it, and I felt relieved."
Every bite of butter mochi I take, it makes me reminisce of those wonderful christmas days. My three brothers and I wake up to the stench of the desserts that my mom makes for the christmas parties. Only one word could describe them, ono. The smell would cruise in our house, which was fine with us, while we vigorously rip open our gifts. Of course our parents would yell at us to write down what each person gave us.
As the last presents are being opened, and our astonishing faces turn into smiles, I still wondered the secrets behind that sweet, buttery mochi. I then asked my mom, "is there history behind this dish?" Surprisingly, she said, "yes, we only make it for very special occasions, like today." At that moment, I was very dumbfounded because I should've known that already. There was another question that popped in my head, "is there any other way to cook this?" She said, "No, only by baking it, so not that much people know about this recipe." That made my heart burst because it made me glad that our special dish was not known by much people.
The time was here, time to party! Whenever I take a delicious bite of butter mochi, memories of our interesting christmas parties give me flashbacks. You have never experienced a party like ours. Everyone are comedians, and very crazy. We play many games, and probably make the neighbors mad, but those are the great memories. After dinner, we eat all the delicious desserts, including my mom's delightful butter mochi. Everyone loves it, but there was one more question that's just wandering in my head. "Mom, what makes this tasty treat so good?" There was a lump in my throat after she said, "There is coconut in it, and it's funny because our family doesn't like coconut." I felt a little sick after that, but I realized that it is too delicious to be sick of, as I finish my last bite. The chewy mochi melting in my mouth, and the "coconutty" taste dancing on my tongue.
I felt that your essay was very effective. The way you described how special it was to your family like How you eat it on Christmas parties and special occasions. Also, I felt that the sensory details of the environment were good. The way you described your parties helped me to visualize what they were like. Like how you said people were crazy and comedians. Also, I liked how you created dialogue between you and your mother. The only thing that I think you can improve on the sensory details of the butter mocha itself. I think you should describe the texture and taste of it. But overall good job.
ReplyDeletePLEASE AVOID ADDING ADJECTIVES, ADVERBS, AND OTHER DESCRIPTORS THAT ARE NOT ADDING TO THE FOCUS OF THE ESSAY. ALSO PLEASE LOOK OVER THE ORGANIZATION MAKE SURE THE ESSAY FLOWS AND EVERY SECTION IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE. MS(3-)
ReplyDeleteYour essay had lots of details, but some unnecessary details. Try to focus on whats important and not get off topic. I liked how you included lots if questions that were followed by thorough answers. Your introduction could be a little stronger to grab the reader's attention. Other than that it was a well-written essay.
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