The invitational rural baseball league was starting the next day. There I was in my bed nervous for our first game. It was at Hans L'Orange, one of the nicest fields in Hawaii. There was always a lot of people watching, because the bleachers were grassy green, and shaded with a nice cool and breezy roof. Often times during the mid-day, all the people were crammed on one side because the sun was burning the other bleachers. This game was different, though. It was a night game, so the crowd would be split into two sides, and cheering for their own children. Just the thought of having a night time game at a dreamy field, made me want to run around the whole house to the excitement. Everyone would be watching.
It was a short car ride from Aiea to Waipahu. I was looking out the window, staring at nothing, but imagining the great things that I could do to help my team. I could see myself making contact with that ball, and seeing it fly right over the infield. Then, smiling at the third base coach to the happiness of getting my first hit of the season. Also, a picture of myself diving in the dirt to catch a ball, made me excited to play even more. The thought of dusting off my pants and shirt and hearing the crowd roar. Teammates would smile and say, "Nice play," wishing that they could get a ball just like that one. The joyful thought filled my head and I just hoped that they come true. I could taste the last bit of my granola bar, my ritual snack. The chocolate mixing with the granola, and having to chew it well. It slid down my throat as I grabbed my bag and rushing to the field.
I could see it already. The marvelous green grass, cut even throughout the whole field. The dirt looking soft from the hose that would keep it in place. The smell of wet grass and dirt were all around me. I was finally here, my happy and special place. I stopped a moment to close my eyes and take a deep breath. My heart was pounding like a taiko drum, I needed to play good, but all that was not bothering me because I was gonna play with all my heart. I walked into our nasty and dirty dugout that was as narrow as a bottleneck. The other team had a better side. Oh well. Our team was still confident, even though we were ants compared to them. They were a bunch of seniors picking on freshmen, and sophomores. Although that thought was frightful, I was relaxed and calm. I just couldn't stress out right now. The scenery was too beautiful, and calming. No homework, or schoolwork, or tests bothered me, nothing. I had a smirk on my face when the umpire said, "Play Ball!" and I was ready for my first high school game. Scary, but it was calming my mind.
YOU NEED TO TELL US WHY BASEBALL MAKES YOU SO RELAXED WHAT SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT MAKES YOU CALM. YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN A LITTLE MORE. AND EXPLAIN MORE ON HOW IT IS SCARY BUT CALMING AT THE SAME TIME. THERE IS LACKING DETAILS ON THE WHY OF EVERYTHING. MS(3-)
ReplyDeleteI felt that your essay was very good. Your sensor details really helped me to visualize the environment of the baseball field and really visualize the game you went to. Also, I liked how you described the little details like the bleachers. The thing I think you can do to improve this is add reasoning on why this was a special place. How did it clear your mind? Why is your special place the baseball field? Maybe adding some history could help.
ReplyDeleteYour essay was very good. You can explain more on how this place was energetic but yet still calm. You sensory details really helped me imagine the baseball field.
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